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|
Summer
Breeze A Story V. Amod Saxena |
|
Read at The Chicago Literary
Club, Chicago 12/01/2008 ©Amod Saxena 12/01/2008 |
I met the Browns at our club where we played bridge
together. They had recently moved in my neighborhood on
Mr. Brown was a tall and thin man
and had a long, pinched nose shaped like steep ski slope. His large brown eyes
were set on a flat sun burnt face. You could see dark straight lines on his
prominent upper front teeth, especially when he smiled. This morning, he had
worn a light gray suit and a dark maroon tie on a button-down white shirt. Sitting
next to him was Mrs. Brown, Kathy Brown. She sat slightly slouched with a quiet
face. Her grayish blond hair was tied
behind her back in an untidy ponytail. She was rather a sad looking figure. She
could be pretty only if she took care of her looks and smiled. Her forehead
bore visible wrinkle marks, an evidence of chronic worry and stress. The light
purple color two-piece office suit and black flat heal shoes did not suit her. She
sat quietly with her husband holding his hand and fiddling with his fingers
nervously. They wanted to adopt a child but were not sure if they were emotionally
fit and ready for parenting. I worked with them for several months. Harry led a
rather protective life being the youngest son of a large family. His father
died when he was only ten and his mother raised him alone and relied upon him a
great deal. He lived with her until she died in her eighties. He had met Kathy
on a cruise ship, fallen in love and was married soon after. He was happy and
obviously in love with the woman. It is Kathy’s story that interested me and I want
to tell you here.
It started about ten years ago.
She worked as a lawyer at a medium size law firm in the city. She was married to
a successful accountant. Ken and Kathy were as happy as any young working
couple could be living in a large city.
One
summer evening in July, the sun felt hot as Kathy walked towards her
condominium. She was in her own thoughts unaware of what was going on around
her. Her thin athletic body seemed
smaller under the weight of her disquiet. She felt a throbbing ache start at
the back of her head. She kept pressing her temples through her blond hair to
ease her pain but to no avail. Everything seemed out of focus as she dragged
herself in the lobby of her apartment building. She entered the elevator and
pushed button marked number ten for her floor. She had been worried about a case she was
currently working on. Her client was a woman whose husband had abducted their two-year-old
son and had taken him to
Her law
firm had assigned Sam Rosenfeld, a senior attorney in the group, to guide her
on this case. He was a few years older than she was. He was rude and arrogant. He enjoyed attention and considered himself
above his partners. He was unusually harsh on his women clients. He berated
them, a behavior that annoyed Kathy and affected her deeply. Only if he
understood a family’s emotional dynamics, he could look at domestic disputes from
a different perspective. As she thought about her day, she became weary and
sad. The elevator stopped at 10th floor. She got out and walked
towards her apartment. The corridor was dim and quiet. The broken ceiling light
was still broken. The door was slightly open. Her apartment was dark and silent
inside. She noticed through the slightly open door, Ken’s dark blue coat. She
slowly opened the door wide and found Ken lying on the sofa. She was relieved
to find him there and walked in.
Ken was
fast asleep with an open newspaper on his chest. His briefcase was lying on the
carpet, fully open and papers scattered around it. He was reclining on the sofa
with his head resting on a cushion. His one foot was resting on the floor and
the other on the couch. His lean body was still, except for his chest that
moved with his breathing. There was hardly a change in him since their
marriage. How lucky? She thought. She
put her briefcase down on the floor next to Ken and sat down besides him,
trying not to step on his papers. Stooping over him, she gently removed the
newspaper, folded it and put it on the center table. He stirred and opened his
eyes and tried to focus them on the woman in front. He was still in trance and stayed there quietly.
She gently brushed his dark brown hair back. He remained listless and closed
his eyes again.
She
wanted to tell him of her woes with Sam but kept quiet. It was no use telling
her problems to Ken. His advise was always logical and to the point which provoked
unnecessary arguments between them. She decided to keep quiet and picked up the
TV remote from the sofa and turned on the television. There was nothing
interesting on it. She turned it off and
went inside her kitchen to boil water for tea. She opened the refrigerator door
to look for leftover meal. She had no desire to cook and was too tired to go
out.
She
finished her tea before waking Ken. He decided to go out to jog before eating
his supper. She washed her face and took out the leftover spaghetti and meatballs
from the refrigerator to heat in the microwave oven.
The couple ate in relative quiet.
Afterwards, she went to the bedroom to get ready to sleep. She was tired and
wished a restful night. Ken usually watched the nightly news before coming to
bed. She went to open the bedroom window and looked out. The summer sky was
clear and deep blue. It would be another hour or so before the dusk. As she turned
the latch to open the window, she felt a gush of cool summer breeze. Down below
the dense treetops swayed gently. Refreshed briefly, she drew the curtains and slowly
moved away from the window to lie down on her bed and closed her eyes. She was awakened
by Ken’s arm cuddling her body. Kathy opened her eyes but did not respond. She
was tired and not in a mood. She wondered if she still loved him. He began to
caress her breasts. His touch felt hot and heavy. It annoyed her. She felt used
and irritated. His touch felt callous and careless. She pushed his hand away with
a jerk. She herself was a little surprised by her harsh and intense actions.
Ken quickly withdrew his hand,
turned on his back to face the ceiling. He seemed confused, rejected and angry.
He could not figure out what had taken over his wife lately. She seemed
preoccupied and was unhappy about little things. She complained about her work
often. His suggestions to help matters got her mad. Last evening, she was upset
about something and was quiet during the dinner. Then, she went to bed without
saying anything. He firmed his body; he felt his wife stiffen up too, beside
him. Soon, he fell asleep.
Kathy
was awake. She could not bear his demands. She wanted tenderness and
understanding. Her husband seemed selfish and casual. Kathy felt angry inside.
She moved further away from her husband turned her body towards the wall to hug
the edge of the bed. Soon, she too fell asleep.
Ken
loved children; Kathy dreaded having to bear them. She feared the responsibilities
and was not sure if she could be a full time mother. She could not explain this to him. She secretly
took birth control pills, which she kept in her office at work. Ken was under
an impression that she had stopped taking them. He was unaware of her desire
not to have children.
Lately,
she had lost interest in keeping their apartment. She dreaded cooking and
making bed. She had hired a woman to come once a week to clean their apartment.
Ken offered to help but she was adamant that the woman was quite capable of the
job. She felt defensive when Ken brought up the subject of expenses. Kathy
would remind him that she earned her own keep and he did not have to worry
about the housekeeping. Cooking was another matter. Kathy would usually bring
meals from outside on her way from work.
Kathy
had an unusually attractive, well-formed body for a woman approaching forty.
She was about five feet and five inches tall. Her dark blond hair that hung
loosely from her head to middle of her neck were parted slightly her right
side. They gently wrapped her pear-shaped head. When she smiled, her temples
bulged up a little, giving her an appearance of a gentle chipmunk with a nut in
its mouth. Her light brown large eyes expressed determination and seem to draw
attention to her face and define her personality. She walked with purposeful
but easy strides. She did not have a great
desire to raise a family. She thought
that she had everything she needed to get on with her life. If there was something
wrong, it was an uneasy feeling about her marriage to Ken. She has no specific
complaints about him. He was a hard worker who came home to her every night. He
rarely got upset about anything. He would tell Kathy that raising emotions is
counterproductive. Instead, he would rationalize an issue and come up with
commonsense decisions. This approach made things worse as Kathy hated when he
put forward his arguments. Kathy was a woman for whom a good frank discussion
was cleansing than a logical conclusion of an argument. He left her emotionally
unsatisfied and incomplete. It was the same feeling, which she had with Sam.
Kathy would have strong opinions on many things big and small in life. The arguments
between them were mostly one sided, Kathy talking and Ken listening quietly.
The public library was a ten
minutes walk from her apartment. As one entered the library there was a large
open rectangular hole in the wall on the left. Next to the hole was a small
coffee house. It was owned and run by an elderly retired man. He was proud of
his product and his loyal clientele. Kathy went there often to sit, relax, and
work sometimes on her laptop.
One Sunday morning, in late
spring, Kathy had just walked in the coffee shop, carrying an empty water
bottle in one hand and a cell phone in the other. She had completed a two miles
run around the high school playfield. The place was mostly empty except for a
young slim woman in a sky blue jogging-suit and a purple and white Nike is
jogging shoes. She wore a matching cotton bandana over her head to keep her
long dark brown hair in place. She was slim with broad shoulders tapering down
to a narrow waist and well formed rounded buttocks. She captivated Kathy. The
awareness of the woman awoke warmth in her body. The strange feeling caught her
by surprise. The woman bought her coffee, turned around and sat down on one of
the chairs next to a wooden table. She seemed to be in her twenties with a
smooth light olive skin and a fresh oval face. Her large brown eyes and thick dense
eyebrows enhanced her looks. Kathy was immediately attracted to her. She
ordered a large black coffee, turn towards the woman and found an empty chair
near her. As soon as she tried to sit on it, she spilled the coffee on her jogging
suit.
“Shit.” She uttered loudly in
embarrassment. The young woman quickly
got up, brought paper napkins from the next table and gently wiped the coffee off
Kathy’s clothes. Her hand touched Kathy’s breasts hidden under her jacket. A whiff
of strange fragrance coming from the other body struck Kathy.
“I am sorry, I am a slob.” Kathy apologized.
She gently caught the woman’s hand holding the napkin.
“Thank you.” Kathy said. She
could not avoid looking at her breasts under the sports blouse. Quickly, she looked
away, trying not to be noticed. The woman raised her left hand and gently
grasped Kathy’s hand and looked at each other. The time seemed to slow down and
Kathy felt electricity run down her spine. She wanted to keep her grasp. Then,
she withdrew her hand and dropped down in her chair. Her face was flushed; all
she could say was “sorry, I am really sorry.”
“Don’t be silly, I am Angelina
Bell, call me Lina.” The woman said calmly unaware of any stir she had created
in Kathy’s heart. She noticed her
breathing quicken and she felt unusual warmth in her body. She tried to hide
her feelings. She said,
“It is very warm here; I ran
faster than I usually do. My heart is pounding.”
“Are you Okay? Can I take you
home or call some one?” Lina said affectionately.
“No, not really I will be all
right. Just give me a minute.” Kathy took a sip of her coffee and tried to
relax and compose herself.
Lina was a third year medical
student at a local medical school. She lived in an apartment only a few blocks
from Kathy’s own condominium. She grew
up in a small town in
“I felt lonely growing up in
It was a beautiful summer morning
in late June. Both women had gone for a run on the beach at the lake. The sun
had not yet risen. The dawn over the lake had begun to turn the sky over the
lake pinkish red. The two women looked intently at the sunrise. They were
silent. Lina softly put her hand over Kathy’s shoulder and then let it slid
down to hold her hand. They sat there in complete silence. The sun was still
just above the horizon and still bright red.
Lina softly squeezed the other hand and gently pulled Kathy to her. Their
bodies touched and met tenderly. The color of the sky still deep red but the
sun now was a large bright red ball of fire above the horizon, casting a long
image in lake water. The women kept their hold, touching each other. Their
breathing became slow and together. The sunlight was now bright and warm as the
sunshine fell on their faces. They
slowly got up and began to walk towards the park, still holding hands. They
found a stone bench in the park and sat down.
“I met Ken during law school. He
had already graduated and worked as a young accountant and was spending summer
in the city. He was a quiet type but I liked his organized nature. Everything had
to be well planned and arranged before taking any decisions. I was more of a
wild type. He was the dependable type. I thought that by marrying him, my life
would become better organized. I could count on him.” Kathy said slowly without
much emotion.
“You mean you did not love him.”
Lina said curiously.
“No, it is not exactly like that.
He is a good man and I love him. We never have an argument. He works hard and I
know he loves me. It is just that…” Kathy stopped in the middle of her
sentence.
“You miss the passion, girl.”
Lina said with certainty.
“My mom would disagree with you.
For her the passion was not love, it was infatuation. That only lasts for a
short while before one has to worry about daily chores of life. My dad agreed
with her too.” Kathy said philosophically.
“How could she say that? Life is
not worth living if one has not felt passion. I would say that passion precedes
all emotions. A life without passion is a life unlived.” Lina said excitedly.
Sunshine was now bright and warm
bathing their faces. A cool morning wind brushed their faces. In front of them,
on a low branch of a maple tree, sat two doves, one slightly larger than the
other. The larger one was probably a male and the other smaller one, a female.
They sat there for a few minutes and suddenly the male puffed up his feathers
and began to dance going around the female a few times. Soon, they were poking
their beaks gently at each other.
Both women watched the birds
fondly. They looked at each other, still holding hands. Kathy moved closer to
the other woman, and embraced her affectionately. She brought her lips to
Lina’s and kissed her softly. Lina responded lovingly. They stood up and
quietly and walked towards home. They passed the coffee shop and met a few of
their neighbors. When they came to the crossing to go their separate ways, Lina
asked Kathy if she would like to have dinner with her some night.
“I would love to. Ken is going
out of town next Friday for the weekend to meet his parents. I can come after
work.” Kathy said without any hesitation.
“See you next Friday then. Take
care. Bye!” Lina turned away from Kathy ran to cross the street without looking
back. Kathy kept looking at her intently. Something had hanged inside her. She
felt the storm inside her. Her eyes followed the other woman until she was out
of sight. She thought about the incident, and the feelings kept returning and
warming her constantly. She was relaxed and slept well for the first time in
many nights. Dreams, yes, but none of them disturbed her. She remembered them
pleasantly.
The week ahead was busy for
Kathy. Yet, she carried on her work with unusual proficiency. Sam’s behavior
refused to bother her. She felt calm that surrounded her very existence; her
mind felt unusually sharp and her every step bounced as she walked. At home
also, Ken’s usual quietness did not bother her. She could not get Lina out of
her mind. She missed her. She thought of her whether she was in shower, in her
kitchen or just sitting trying to work on her laptop. She tried to get her mind off her, and get
back to her work. She feared that Ken might notice her distraction. Luckily,
Ken was busy with his work and kept mostly to himself. On Thursday night, she
asked Ken about his trip to see his parents. He asked her to come with him.
Kathy declined but felt guilty. She told him that she was very busy at work and
that she would go with him some other time.
On Friday, Kathy woke up early
and went for a run on the beach. The morning started warm, the sun blazed and
the lake air was hazy. It had not rained for the whole week. Kathy could feel
the heat but liked the fresh air and a gentle breeze coming from the lake
waters. Instead of running, this morning she just walked. She hoped that she
might run into Lina. She had not heard from her since they walked together a
week ago. The stone bench was empty this morning. She sat down on it hoping that
Lina might just walk in and sit besides her. After ten minutes of quiet time,
she stood up, looked at her wristwatch and began to walk towards her home. She had
an early morning meeting at the office and did not want to be late. She was
excited about her dinner date with Lina this evening. The day at the office
passed quietly. Sharply at
“Are you still at work?”
“No, I just finished and going
home.” Kathy replied relieved that Lina’s invitation for dinner was still on.
“What time you want me to come, Lina?”
“Come on now. I have been home
whole day and am quite bored.” Lina said.
Kathy wanted to buy a bottle of
wine but thought otherwise. Instead, she stopped at a flower shop and looked
for red roses. She carefully selected six rosebuds and picked a light blue
glass vase to put them. She paid for them and walked quickly towards her
apartment. She changed into a white pant and light blue loose cotton top shirt.
She had bought the top last spring at a local art show but had not worn even
once. Since, Ken would be driving to his
parent’s home after work; she was not worried about his dinner. She wrapped the
rosebuds in a thin plastic cone and closed it on the top to avoid heat damage
on them. She put the flowers and the vase in a large brown grocery bag. She
closed the door and walked down to the street.
Lina’s apartment was only two
blocks away. She lived in a six-storey red brick building. Shops, a small
restaurant, a hair salon and a Laundromat occupied the lower floor. The restaurant
was empty, the hair salon had two women getting their hair done and the
Laundromat had a young couple with a small child. The kid was running around
inside. The man, probably her husband was taking out the clothes from the dryer
and piling them on a table nearby for the woman to fold them. Kathy entered the
red door of Lina’s apartment building. The
lobby was small, located in a recess. Its walls were painted light yellow. Inside,
she noticed a row of mailboxes with numbers written on them. On the left side
of the mailboxes was an intercom panel with several buttons. Under each was a handwritten
name of the occupant. Kathy found the button for Lina’s apartment and pushed
it. She lived on its top floor facing the main street. The staircase was
located against the wall on the left. The elevator probably was somewhere in
the back.
“Kathy? Come on up.” Lina’s muffled voice came
through the speaker on the wall. Kathy walked up the stairs. Lina was waiting at
the third floor landing. She wore a loose light green pant and a white top. Her
dark hair was tied behind her head in a loosely in a tail. This made her face
look prominent and eyes large. Without any make up her face looked fresh, young
and attractive. Kathy looked at her but quickly took her eyes of her. Even in
her loose outfit, Kathy could see Lina’s body shape underneath. Lina came close
to greet Kathy and embraced her affectionately. Kathy put the brown paper bag
down on the concrete floor and responded hesitantly.
“I got these flowers for you, I
hope you like them. The buds haven’t opened yet. They will look nice tomorrow.”
She said a little shyly.
“I love flowers, thank you. Let
us walk up to my apartment and we will talk.” Lina was still holding Kathy’s
hand, picked the brown bag with other hand. As they walked up the stairs, Lina
leaned gently towards Kathy and gave her a soft kiss on her cheek. Kathy felt a
rush of heat travelling through her body and quickly turned her face away
without responding.
Lina opened the door of her
apartment and the two women went inside. The apartment was small. The main
living area was a large L-shaped space. It had a large glass window looking
down at the main street. The kitchen on the left side was small and narrow space.
There was a black and white sofa for three people and a futon set against the
wall. On the center table sat a nine inches tall jet-black terracotta figure of
goddess Kali. Its fours arms were stretched out. Her large eyes and red
sticking tongue looked fierce. She stood on one foot firmly placed on top of a
headless human male body. She held a large conch in one hand, a naked sword in other.
Her two other hands held a spinning wheel and a severed head of a man with long
black mustache. On the wall behind the
sofa, there was a black and white photo of a middle-aged couple hanging on the
wall. The woman in the photo wore a sari with dark patterned wide border and
held a little girl in a dress. The man had European features. He wore a dark jacket
and a tie with small polka dots.
Lina took the flowers to the
kitchen and put them in the vase after filling it with fresh water. She placed
the vase on the center of a small empty wooden table set in the small space
near the kitchen.
“Kathy, are you hungry?” Lina asked
Kathy sweetly as she looked up at her.
“I went out for lunch this
afternoon with a client and had a grilled chicken salad. I am not really hungry
although am a little thirsty.” Kathy replied.
“Well in that case, we can have lemonade;
I made it this afternoon with freshly squeezed lemons.” Lina said, as she went inside the kitchen.
Kathy followed her and stood close behind Lina as she poured lemonade from a
jar. Lina paused for a moment and gently moved backwards touching the woman
behind her. Kathy put her arms around the young woman and took the glass from Lina,
still standing close to her. Lina remained motionless. Seconds passed. No one
said anything. Kathy could feel the warmth of Lina body. For her the whole
world had melted into her body. The stress of day’s work quickly dissolved. Nothing separated her from the woman standing
next to her.
Self-conscious, Kathy quickly
moved away still holding the lemonade glass. She entered the living room. Lina followed
her quietly. Kathy came near the center table
and stood there gazing at the black figurine. Lina explained that it was Kali,
one of the Hindu goddesses. People worship her as an all-powerful female
‘Shakti” meaning “power”.
“She is a destroyer of evil. See,
how she stands strong and erect with that fierce look. She is standing on a man
she killed with her sword. The headless man symbolizes sin. Many people worship
her for peace and wellbeing. I got this from my mother who believed in her
powers.” Lina said pointing towards the
woman in the photograph on the wall.
“My mother was a Bengali Hindu.
She met my father at college. Both were studying mathematics. In the picture, she
is holding me in her arms. She died when I was in college from breast cancer. My
dad died last year of a stroke just after I entered medical school. I have an
aunt in
Kathy sat down on the sofa but
said nothing. She took a few sips of fresh lemonade. Lina went in her bedroom and brought her
guitar. She quietly sat down on the sofa next to Kathy and started to play.
Kathy listened quietly.
Kathy thought the tune familiar
but could not place it. Soon, Lina started to sing.
“My heart is sad and lonely
for you I sigh, for you dear only
why haven't you seen it
I'm all for you body and soul,
“I spend my days in longing
And wondering why it's me you're (ogling)
I tell you I mean it
I'm all for you body and soul”
It was an old Frank Sinatra song.
Lina’s sweet voice moved Kathy immensely. She softly touched Lina’s shoulder.
Lina kept singing. Time passed easily. The sun would soon be setting casting
long shadows outside. Lina put the guitar down on the futon, looked at Kathy
and smiled.
“I am starved. What shall we eat? She asked herself rather
than Kathy. Then she looked at her guest and said,
“I am a vegetarian. If you want
to have meat for dinner we can go the restaurant downstairs.”
Kathy had only heard about the
vegetarians. She considered them amusing. For her a meal without meat was not complete.
This evening, though, she would try anything.
“That is not a problem. I would
love to have a vegetarian dinner. Where would we get one?” Kathy asked.
“Right here. I will cook us a meal. I have yellow lentil,
rice and vegetables. I hope you like egg plant.” Lina sounded excited.
Lina went inside the kitchen, put
the Lentil in a pot to boil on slow heat, and took out a cup of Basmati rice to
soak in a glass bowl. She peeled one small onion, a clove of garlic and started
to chop them. She also cut a large eggplant and two tomatoes. She poured oil in a Chinese nonstick wok and
put it on gas burner. When the oil got hot, she put the onions and garlic
pieces and waited until they began to get light brown. She then put the
eggplant and tomato pieces, sprinkled salt and black pepper, stirred the
mixture once, put a cover over and reduced to heat. She added salt and turmeric
powder to the boiling lentils. She turned the heat down to let simmer. Kathy
stood nearby, watching her friend with fascination.
“Rice will take only a few
minutes to cook. I will boil them just before we are ready to eat. The lentils should
be done in twenty minutes and the vegetables soon after. Let us sit down for a
few minutes”. Lina told Kathy.
Kathy never considered herself a
cook. In fact, she disliked cooking. For her, putting a steak on a skillet and
potatoes in the oven was all she knew. Mostly, she would get meals on her way from
work. She liked a good wine and Ken went
along with her and never complained.
“Where did you learn to cook?”
Kathy asked Lina.
“I watched mom in the kitchen.
She was a good cook. I could never cook like her. After she died, dad and I
tried to prepare meals from our memory. Then when I went to college, I met a
young man who taught me a little bit of Indian cooking. I never relished
meat. It is easy to be a vegetarian with
Indian cooking. I miss my parents. They were in love, not the usual love we
talk about but really a passionate love. My mom was quiet but strong. Dad hung
around her constantly. I never saw the
physical side of their love but I could feel it”.
Lina got up to go to check on her
cooking and put some rice to boil.
“I am almost ready. I am going to lay the
table for us. What would you like to drink, more lemonade or water?” She asked
Kathy.
All this was very new to Kathy
who would have ordered a wine with her dinner. She also wondered if she would
be able to eat the meal, Lina so lovingly prepared. She quickly dismissed her
doubts and said to Lina that she would just drink water. Both women then laid
the table and put two glasses of cool water.
Lina took an empty plate and scooped out a large spoonful of
soft cooked rice. An unfamiliar aroma of the cooked rice and cooked eggplant captivated
Kathy. Lina made a crater in the middle of rice heap. She took the lid off the soft curry and spooned
it to fill the crater. The vegetable pieces were soft. The small red tomatoes
made a pleasant sight. In a separate cup, she poured the thick yellow lentil
soup. She handed Kathy her plate and served one for herself. They both sat down at the small dining table.
Kathy liked the meal thought it delicious. Kathy helped clean the kitchen. Afterwards,
they sat down on the sofa to relax. Lina
was close to her parents; after their death, she had been lonely. One summer
she moved to
“I want to take a year off and travel to Kolkota to see my
aunt and spend some time in Mother Teresa’s Ashram.” Lina said. She seemed
excited by her plans. Kathy felt regretful that she would loose Lina but said
nothing. They were both tired now and felt sleepy. Kathy looked at her watch
and got up to leave. Lina offered her to stay at her apartment and spend the
night with her. Kathy quickly accepted. Ken was not home, she thought; why not
spend time with Lina? She had nothing
planned for next day. She borrowed nightclothes
from Lina and shared her queen size bed that night. Kathy woke up had her arms
around once during the night. Lina fast was fast asleep. She had her arm around
Kathy’s body. Kathy was afraid to wake the sleeping woman. She watched Lina’s face; it looked calm and peaceful.
She gently touched Lina’s face and brushed it softly, careful not to disturb
her sleep. She tried to go back to sleep but found it impossible. She reflected
on the situation. Lina stirred a little and turned on her side signaling Kathy to
spooning her. Kathy quietly obliged; her arm wrapped around Lina’s soft body. Soon she fell asleep.
It was already morning, when Kathy opened her eyes. The sun had
already risen; the sunshine filtered through the windowpane. Lina was not in
the bed. She slowly got out of her bed. Lina was sitting in the living room in
her jogging suit reading the morning newspaper. There were two cups of coffee
and two muffins on the table.
“Did you sleep well, Kathy? I brought your favorite coffee.”
Lina said looking up at Kathy.
“Yes, I did. I do not remember when the last time I slept so
soundly.” Kathy replied. Lina quietly gave
coffee to her. Later, they went for a
long walk in the park. Afterwards, they sat down on a bench for a little rest
and watched the pigeons, gathered on the concrete ground. The sun was bright
and warm. The birds ran after the seeds and pieces of bread, people had thrown on
the ground. Every so often, a pigeon
would stop in front of the women, look at them with a tilted head, and then get
busy picking on the seeds with its beak.
The women began to spend time together as often as they could.
Kathy seemed happier at her work. Even, Sam’s rant and criticism did not bother
her as much as they did before. Ken
continued to be busy in his work. He was mostly quiet and travelled often on
business trips. This gave Kathy many opportunities to spend time with Lina. She
did not care what Ken thought of their relationship.
The end of summer came and the days began to shorten. The leaves
on the trees turned colorful. The temperature dropped and the northerly wind
began to cool the lake. Now the two women took morning walks daily along the
lake. When Ken was out of town, Kathy spent nights with Lina. She also became a
vegetarian and learned to cook without meat. Soon, they were cooking meals
together. This was a new experience to Kathy. She grew up in a well to do
Methodist family. The things were often done for her at home. Her summers were
spent often at her parent’s cottage in north
Thanksgiving was just a week away. Kathy asked Lina to meet
her parents during the holidays. Ken had to go to
She avoided him as much as she could. Ken blamed her disinterest
in him on her work at the office. He was waiting to find an opportune time to
bring up the issue of their relationship, every time he would back off. Their
bed was already cold and pouring water in it would just make it worse, he
reasoned. His needs and her resistance caught him in an impossible situation. Forcing
the issue was not in his nature. He
chose, in stead to suffer silently; his heart full of desire mired in
helplessness. He hung between his need to stay within the marriage and his
desire to fulfill his needs. Inside, he felt anger, hate and guilt. The bird in
the cage could struggle to its hearts content but it could not escape. It would
only hurt itself. In recent weeks, he
noticed a change in Kathy. She was calmer and less angry. She complained less
about Sam at the office. She was less
confrontational with him. Yet, she remained far from him.
The Christmas passed quietly. Ken and Kathy spent the day with
his parents. Lina stayed home, as she had to get ready for her trip to
“What do you have planned today?” She asked.
“Not much, I was hoping
that we could walk over to the Luna’s and have lunch there.” He said hoping to
make it up with her. He had promised himself to work hard at their marriage.
This was his new year’s pledge.
“But I am going out to Lina’s.” Kathy said excitedly.
“I had promised her that I would meet her for lunch.” She continued.
“Well, I sometimes feel that I am competing with Lina for your
attention.” He said tersely.
“What are you saying? What do you mean?” Kathy replied
defensively.
“You know what I mean, Kathy. You know it well. I may not say
much but I am not stupid.” He said tersely without taking his eyes off the newspaper. Kathy kept quiet.
“Are you in love with that woman?” Ken asked abruptly.
Kathy was silent.
She thought that it was a bad time to talk about it. Moreover,
how does he know about her and Lina? Had he been reading her emails? She had sent Lina an email during Christmas
telling her that she missed her and that her bed was cold without her. She
wished that they had spent Christmas together as they did during the
Thanksgiving. It was a desperate letter
almost begging Lina to understand her deep attachment to her. Lina had not
replied to the email. She was going to talk to Lina at lunch and ask her if she
too had missed her.
She picked up the cup of coffee. She then sat down on a nearby
sofa and began to scan the paper quietly, eyeing Ken from the corner of her eye.
He seems glued to the paper. Her eyes were on the paper but her thoughts were
elsewhere. What is it about their marriage?
She was now sure that she did not love
him. Her mind wandered afar for new experiences. She was not sure. Since she
met Lina, Kathy was a different woman. Lina was young, attractive and certainly
offered a companionship, Kathy needed. When she was with Lina, the world
stopped; the time froze and peace descended on her. Lina gave her newfound warmth.
Being close to her and hearing her heartbeats, was like the ocean waves lapping
gently against on a silent shore. Lina brought her Godsend calm.
“I think I should go to
“Excuse me? Did you say
“Yes,
“Why
“No one
really; Lina is going there and I thought I will go with her.” She said calmly.
If Ken was angry, he did not show it; he just kept quiet. He
did not want to spoil the morning. He now had no desire to lunch with his wife.
He decided to get out of the apartment and go to the library. It might calm his
nerves. He quickly changed his clothes and put on a windbreaker. He opened the
front door and quickly walked out of the apartment. Kathy heard the door bang. She
kept drinking her coffee. She put the newspaper down and called Lina on the
phone. They decided to go out and jog along the lake and then have a light breakfast
and lunch afterwards.
When she returned home in the evening, Ken was waiting for
her. He had a small kitchen knife in his right hand. On the table was a bottle
of half-empty vodka. Apparently, he had been drinking. As soon as he saw Kathy,
he lunged at her. Kathy was quick and got away from him. He struggled to catch
her but was too drunk to walk. He fell on the floor. Kathy quickly turned
around, opened the front door and ran out. She heard Ken’s loud grunt and a
scream;
“Bitch, I will kill you!”
She ran downstairs to the lobby. She was frightened. Lobby was
deserted. She looked for her cell phone but could not find it. In a hurry, she probably
dropped it somewhere on the staircase. She ran straight to Lina’s apartment.
Once inside, she called the police. The police found Ken slumped on the sofa
with a knife in his right hand and blood all around. He had killed himself by stabbing
himself in his left groin. The knife had gone through his left femoral artery. The
wound seemed self-inflicted. The police officer on the other end advised her
not to come to her apartment as the police were still cleaning up the place and
collecting evidence. An officer came to Lina’s apartment to take her statement
and fill out official papers.
The sad and shocking experience stunned Kathy and affected her
emotionally. She never went back to her apartment and moved to another
apartment. She went into severe depression that lasted several years. She
refused to see a psychiatrist or take medicines for it. Lina stayed in
I had no problem telling them that they would make wonderful
parents. They adopted a young girl, named her Lina, and asked me to be her
godfather. I happily obliged.
Amod Saxena,